The Cryolympics
by queridorafa
No, the Cryolympics isn’t a discussion of the possibilities of freezing people and/or artifacts from the ’12 Olympics for re-animation in 4022 or whatever. Although, that IS a cool idea. Literally. I’ll write it in my Rolodex for future use. What this IS is an analysis of the crying prospects of the two male finalists and the two male bronze medal match participants in the Olymblahdon tournament, hereafter referred to as the Crylymblahdon. I will begin with a table. Then, there will be a graph. Finally…I don’t know. I haven’t thought that far ahead yet.
To the table!
| Player | Crybaby Classification | If he wins tomorrow… | If he loses tomorrow… |
| Roger | Highest order of the crybaby (AO ’09) | Uncontrollable sobbing | Blinking back tears; attempting to be stoic but failing miserably |
| Andy | Highest order of the crybaby (too numerous to list) | Uncontrollable sobbing | Uncontrollable sobbing |
| Novak | Medium order of the crybaby (Olympics ’08, Davis Cup ’11) | Glassy eyes, one tear escaping down his cheek, for dramatic effect | Big “gracious” smile at first; moodily staring into distance later |
| DelPo | Highest order of the crybaby (too numerous to list) | Uncontrollable sobbing | Uncontrollable sobbing |
Graph time!!!
Finally…well, finally, I have to say, Muzz’s “plan” for tomorrow–“I want to beat him this time, and that’s the plan”–if that is in fact his plan, all but guarantees him the dark blue bar. You know how most of the time people say famous people should never Google themselves because it will just make them feel bad about themselves? I believe the opposite is true for Murray. He needs to Google himself. And he needs to read the plans put forth by journos and fans in various places, because some of them are actually really good and he should consider following them rather than his oft-tried, oft-failed-at “just win” strategy. I also have to say that if Murray does somehow miraculously win, I don’t want to hear any of this, “this feels as good as a Major!” business, or even worse, “this is BETTER than a Major, because it’s for my country!” Because a.) Murray can’t speak to how an Olympic gold compares to a Major, because he’s never won a Major and b.) LOOK. Winning an Olympic gold, in any sport, is a wonderful accomplishment. HOWEVERS. In tennis, winning a Major is still the real “gold” standard. The Olympics is five best of three rounds, followed by a best of five final. A Major is seven best of five rounds. So it’s pretty much delusional for anyone to claim that winning an Olympic gold is as prestigious as winning a Major in tennis. It’s not. MOREOVER. Andy Murray’s (and, incidentally, Andy Roddick’s) recent claim that an Olympic gold is super-special because everyone in all of sport knows what it means is just wrong/irrelevant to tennis. Like, if you were to tell someone you were a professional tennis player and then said, “Yeah, I won the Olympic gold,” they’d probably be like, “Oh, you play another sport?! Which one?”, i.e. most people still are unaware that tennis is even at the Olympics and most people, even really casual general sports fans, know that tennis = Wimbledon and/or the USO, at the very least. So yeah. It’s not the same as like, a runner or swimmer or even a rower or an archer saying that, and tennis players need to stop pretending like it is. Tennis exists on a different plane than other sports, has its own tour and its own set of historical and extremely prestigious tournaments played four times every year and so for tennis players to act as if Olympic gold is the highest achievement in the sport is false and a little bit greedy and almost disrespectful to the athletes who do literally only have this one opportunity to prove themselves. Obviously, for Andy to win this tournament, in front of his home crowd, would be a great moment, and it’s certainly a significant achievement. But it’s not career-making. Well, unless it is. Which would actually be a bad thing for him. Now, am I trying to preemptively rain on Muzz’s parade, if he in fact has a paradeish outcome? I am. This is due to the fact that in general, I prefer no one to be happy if Rafa isn’t happy. A completely reasonable stance, in my opinion.
The Crylymblahdon – OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, you’ve come up with some (lots) of classics in the past but this is fantastic. I’m literally crying laughing ….think we need a crying chart for all your readers….
Absolutely wonderful
Aw, thanks! Glad you liked it!
Wonderful idea, QR! Really. Good analysis.
It would also be illuminating were you to chart the probability and quantity of tears over time (i.e., over time during and immediately after the match). I do believe that Roger’s tear production, when losing, would go off the chart, yes?
I certainly hope we get to test my theory tomorrow…
(I’m thinking of AO09, when he kept re-erupting into floods every time someone called his name, or he thought he heard his name, or he saw Rafa, or he saw the cup, or he … breathed…)
Now THAT is an excellent idea…must prepare the tracking mechanism…
I didn’t get to see the medal ceremony — how was the water factor for Rog?
‘Big “gracious” smile at first; moodily staring into distance later’- spot on for Novak! Also, “tear count” on the y axis LOL
It might be time for an “Everybody gets a medal!’ post?
Bennetau/Gasquet get bronze and Llodra/Tsonga get silver while Feli/Ferru get heartbroken 2 days in a freaking row. No fair *pout*
Speaking of medals, Serena biting her gold made me really really really miss Rafa
Lol, another excellent idea! Everybody gets a medal, indeed. Gasquet w/ an Olympic medal is just…wow.
Oh QR why?? I did not need to see that pathetic picture one more time!
Bye, I have to go and check if I can join the Cryolympics.
Srsly, I think you need to up smugface’s dark blue graph.
Agree, Olympics not the same as majors, but special because one can only have a shot at it every 4 years. So it’s a sure thing that smugface will never have 17 Olympic medals! He is already talking about going to Rio.
Olympic gold medal is icing on the cake, and we all know Rafa likes his sweets. So he is happy, we are happy……..
Oh, I know–so sorry! Sad picture is sad.
Yeah, thinking more about Roger’s Rio talk, I’m just kind of confused, b/c I presume it will be on clay? I really can’t see him being even remotely competitive on the red stuff in 4 years since it’s his worst surface. At least, I hope not… I would be very interested to see Roger’s reaction upon losing today, haha. 
He kind of started downplaying the whole “gold or bust” talk, I noticed, b/f the tourney started. He said some stuff about how it wouldn’t be the end of the world if he didn’t win, etc. I’m sure he’ll be disappointed, but he’ll probably spin it like “well, I got a silver, which is great!” even though we all know 2nd place in tennis is not really that great, especially for the world #1 and someone w/ his lofty standards.
If I stand on a mountaintop tomorrow and yell ‘Go Andyyy!’ will it help? I’ll try to find a fittingly rocky, cloudy, misty one, with tears of rain in the air and a spring of healing water nearby – there are couple of those near the place where I’m staying now, so maybe I’ll get lucky.
No, I’m not gibbering, no, sir. Only Rafa can turn me into this pitiful creature cowering in a dark corner, screaming wordlessly and carefully articulating incomprehensible syllables.
I’m simply high on oxygen
Gawd, when we lovers of language go off, we gibber indeed.
I wish I had something comforting to say.
Perhaps a song would help?
http://youtu.be/s9zze4kaH60
Aw, I love this song! I have it on my iPod, lol…
OMG, I hadn’t heard it before and it did help indeed! It’s so terrible, I’m tempted to call it amazingly cool. It might actually fall into my ‘Al Pacino’ category
.
Ah, jesna, I did not misjudge you. You share an artistic discrimination beyond the average. You are — an eccentric. Welcome.
If it makes us smile in this Rafa-less era, it’s art to me.
Cheers
But I’m eccentric only when it rains. On sunny days I hold my breath nervously while reading ‘The Count of Monte Cristo’ for the umpteenth time;).
It might help.
OMG, QR, that is too good. Too good, lady. Kudos.
And as an addendum, in response to this:
“for Andy to win this tournament, in front of his home crowd, would be a great moment, and it’s certainly a significant achievement. But it’s not career-making. Well, unless it is. Which would actually be a bad thing for him.”
I know this is not a Murray fan site, so that’s why I’ll allow myself to say this here. I’m still not convinced Andy really wants to win a Grand Slam, yet. I wonder if he wants to “do something for his people”, give something back, given the 1,000 year dearth of UK tennis champions. And the Gold Medal would do that. Maybe, after getting that monkey off his back, he could win the real GS’s. The real Big Prize.
Or maybe I’m full of horsesh*t. Take your pick
That’s an interesting thought: does Murray WANT to win a Grand Slam?
I’m still pulling for Andy tomorrow. But I’m not hopeful.
“I wonder if he wants to “do something for his people”, give something back, given the 1,000 year dearth of UK tennis champions. And the Gold Medal would do that. “
This. Exactly this.
And his young Duke and Duchess are behind him, sneaking in to cheer him even when there’s no Royal Box and such.
Thank you for crystallizing those thoughtsfor me, Bebe.
US Cryolympic viewers who are interested:
men’s bronze medal match airs at 7a ET, MSNBC
men’s gold medal match airs at 9a ET, NBC
Sure. Glad I could do that for you
I’m really enjoying that the young royals enjoy Andy’s tennis. It seems like he likes it too, and that he’s been enjoying himself thoroughly this week. At least Andy’s assured of at least one medal… now all that’s left on the line is color. No biggie.
Yipes.
You don’t think he had a similar motivation for Wimbledon a few weeks ago? I think he probably did, but he somewhat predictably was overwhelmed by the occasion after a sizzling start. This is almost a “second chance,” although, imo at least, it’s still not the same.
One thing that is maybe encouraging is that his “beat him” strategy actually sounds more forceful/ambitious than his “no one expects me to win” strategy from Wimbledon. So maybe he is ready to change things up a little…
Thanks, Bebe!
*laughs till she cries, in keeping with theme of post*
“So it’s pretty much delusional for anyone to claim that winning an Olympic gold is as prestigious as winning a Major in tennis. “
Actually, he didn’t use the word ‘prestigious’, but didn’t Rafa say when he won that it was special because in a Slam you play well, to win for the title, but when you win the Olympic medal you’re winning for your country?
He would say that though. He seems to get a special charge out of putting on that red and gold and running around for Spain.
(Not that I’m complaining when that happens. At all.
AMOF, I don’t remember sleeping much this time four years ago because as long as the tennis medals were up for grabs, I stayed on Beijing time. In New York. Boy, was I useless. I still have that full folder of (sleeveless!) victory shots on an old hard drive, though. )
Yeah, you’re right–both Andy and Rafa have talked about the Olympics being special/different from the Slams in that way. I do remember Rafa kind of qualifying it, too, by saying something like, in tennis, the Slams are the “more important” titles, BUT the Olympics is really something special, b/c it’s recognized in all of sport. Obviously it’s unfair to expect anyone playing at the Olympics to say “well, this doesn’t actually mean that much.” (and that’s not even true.) I guess I still just have a hard time reconciling the two–Majors vs. Olympics, and don’t quite understand why tennis players talk so much about the Olympic medals when it’s really not what they’ll be remembered by–it’s always going to be a footnote. I mean, I get it on the one hand–they love being part of the hype and the “sports family” as Rafa calls it, but then it still strikes me as a little greedy. Like, so many opportunities for glory for them. Plus, as you bring up, the “playing for country” business rings rather false for most of them, as most of them actively AVOID playing for their countries for Davis Cup/Fed Cup (unless it is for Olympic qualification), because it takes away from their time off and/or makes it harder for them to win individual titles in regular tour events due to scheduling. So it’s rather ironic that all of a sudden they all claim this huge patriotic urge when in fact they’re pretty uninterested in that 90% of the time. (of course, there are exceptions–such as Rafa, who has earned the right to do pretty much whatever re: Davis Cup, I think, since he has helped his country win 4 titles at this point.)
‘Groundhog day’ indeed, as you said in the previous post QR. Even in women’s doubles its the Williams sisters again vs Hlavackova/Hradecka.
I’m still pulling for an upset on the men’s side..who knows, right? Anything can happen. Hoping, hoping. #Rafaswords
I know, so funny w/ the women’s dubs. I actually thought yesterday was the final! Was a little bit surpised to see there was still another side of the draw!
#Rafaswords
Hmmm … What an interesting conundrum you have given me — a great gift!
Looking at this hashtag, I find the true:
Rafa’s words = Rafa swords.
Rafa’s words = Rafa swords -haha brilliant! that’s “the true”
I’m also “hoping, hoping” after all the man is 31 yrs. old, just played for almost 4 & 1/2 hours. The physical and mental effort he put into that match must be tremendous. Come to think about it, I don’t think he was really that “sharp”, he usually beats Delpo in no time.
Andy on the other hand is so high with the adrenaline of his wins, “winning gives confidence” #rafaswords
#ibelieveinmiracles
Good point about tennis taking a back seat at the Olympics, in the US at any rate. Remember how we used to have that rule that our pros couldn’t play in the Olympic version of the sports? So our baseball team (when there was baseball), basketball, hockey, etc, were no good? I feel like people still think of tennis that way, like they’re not aware that the best-of-the-best (minus a very important best this year) are actually in the Games.
Also, great jobs with the graphage, as usual, QR. It’s your solidly argued statistics that I find enriching, not the very funny jokes. Naturally.
Thank you! They are extremely scientific and well-argued statistics, aren’t they?
Haha, I do remember when it was all college kids playing the baseball and hockey. That didn’t last very long. It’s strange, I’m not necessarily against tennis at the Olympics, but I still have a hard time w/ it, conceptually, as I’ve rambled already about at length.
There’s just so many conflicts both in how they/the results compare to Majors, and also the patriotic angle–i.e. players who have lived full-time in Florida since age 6 playing for Russia, and players who have to be coerced into playing Davis/Fed Cup b/c it interferes too much w/ their personal schedules all of a sudden claiming playing for their country is the higest honor. It just bugs me a little bit.
“So it’s pretty much delusional for anyone to claim that winning an Olympic gold is as prestigious as winning a Major in tennis.”
Call me delusional if you must but I think winning an Olympic gold in SINGLES is every bit as prestigious as a slam. It certainly was in Beijing when a very handsome young Spaniard won it. However, you make a good argument and if a smarmy arrogant guy from some neutral country in Europe happens to win it tomorrow, I’ll very likely change my mind.
As for crying, it’s amazing how Rafa even does that better than anyone else. I still have difficulty watching the end of the 2010 FO and seeing him with his face buried in his towel, body completely heaving with his sobs, still brings tears to my eyes and a huge lump to my throat. And his tears after winning this year’s FO? Utterly charming, as was his gallop into the stands for hugs with his sobbing family and a completely undone Uncle Toni and that timeless image of the smother hug from Pau. Rafa’s uncontrollable sobbing is, like everything else about him, classy and charming and deserves a separate Crybaby Classification.
^Agreed.
Rafa crying melts my heart. Note also that he cries after the release of great pent up tension, mostly for joy, not because of disappointment. And always in his towel, in private. Very moving.
QR, your post is a gem. Thanks for the laughs.
Thanks!
“As for crying, it’s amazing how Rafa even does that better than anyone else. ”
LOL. Rafa is of a different order……..Highest Order of the Dignified Lamentations or something like that
LOL Highest Order of the Dignified Lamentations!
It’s definitely an interesting topic–reading some of the quotes from yesterday’s medalists (e.g. Azarenka, the Bryan bros (although, doubles is maybe a slightly different animal), Serena, Sharapova) and hearing how touched and excited they were to win medals, and of course, remembering Rafa’s comments, makes me reconsider. I have a hard time getting past the fact that Marc Rosset and Nicolas Massu are past gold medalists though (and Leander Paes is in fact a past bronze medalist–in singles!). I guess the Games for tennis have changed in the past 8 years, but the semi-randomness of past medalists makes it hard for me to take completely seriously. Also, the current/continued randomness of the doubles–Gasquet and Benneteau, and Tsonga, are now Olympic medalists, when none, w/ the exception of Benneteau, play dubs regularly or at Majors (and if they do, typically lose relatively early)? It just doesn’t quite sit right.
Omg, Rafa is without a doubt the best crybaby ever. He’s so lucky b/c you can’t even tell that much when he’s crying–his face doesn’t get red or blotchy or anything, instead his eyes just look shinier than usual and there’s some water on his cheeks. He has the opposite of what Oprah calls “the ugly cry,” lol. Roger is not so fortunate…
Yup, Bebe, Rafa is different, again. He doesn’t cry — he weeps. That’s my totally arbitrary distinction, just for Rafa (and, well, maybe for Ferru) — dignified weeping, for joy. Tearful restraint during raising of flag, playing of national anthem. Full-out exulting weeps for stomping PoDs and vindicating self.
Yup. Crybaby vs Weeping Demigod. Got it.
ROFL.
Delpo got the bronze! After which crying ensued of course!
and Andy is up 2 sets to love, 6-1 in the 2nd! Who would’ve thought?
I know, totally unexpected. Roger is just so ordinary today! I guess maybe it was inevitable. It’s impossible to sustain a super-high level forever! Andy’s playing well, of course, but he’s definitely taking advantage of some big opportunities, as he should be!
Wow, Andy’s taking advantage of big opportunities? Unbelievable! Who’d have thought it?
Yay for Del Po! Very happy for him. I know, shocker for Andy!
I said before that I want Andy Murray to win the US Open. I still do. However, if Andy blows this 2 set to love lead and loses the match, I will kill him.
If Andy blows his two set+break lead and loses the match, I will kill him twice.
Ok Andy, you’re allowed to live.
Gret to see DelPo win – Finally an upset in the Olympics. The top 3 (4) need a shake up and someone needs to break the monotony. I exclude Rafa of course, him missing due to injury is upset enough
Indeed! Great to see Del Po earn some hardware.
He seemed happy about it too, up there grinning on the medal stand.
I’ll bet all the Argentinians who went to London to see the tennis are losing their minds.
Oh dear, Muzz about to serve for it and already the BBC commentators are talking about it being the biggest service game of his life, the biggest victory of his career, this match is what all those years training were for etc etc etc.
QR, you are so right when you say an Olympic gold is not a Slam but the Brits are not going to be easily convinced…
Andy Murray, Olympic gold medalist! Wonder if Rafa will call him to congratulate him?
I’m sure he will! Ahndy Mooray is a fantastic person!
Yay for Muzz! Although Federer was very ordinary today. While I can’t help but wish this was the result of the Wimbledon finals as well,
I’m happy that Federer still doesn’t have an Olympic gold unlike Rafa
The crowd also was really suppotive of Muzz which was nice to see.
Indeed! I couldn’t be happier for Muzz! And you’re right, this was Fed’s best opportunity to get the Golden Slam, so Rafa still has something that Federer does not.
But this isn’t about Federer losing, this is about Andy Murray winning.
Finally! He came through in a best of 5 match, and while it’s not a Grand Slam (I agree) it’s pretty darn close…
Oh totally! This is Muzz’s moment. And yes, It’s not a grand slam but to win a gold, at Wimbledon with him being the home favourite… it’s something
Yes, it most certainly is something. A BIG something.
I’m so happy for Andy. What a huge monkey off his back. And I especially enjoyed it because of how decisively he demolished Federer. Hah! Take that you smug Swiss. #meanbuthonest
http://lsh.lshunter.tv/streams/1/lsh1.html
Medal ceremony happening right now!
The miracle that I hoped for happened: Delpo for bronze, and Murray for gold.
Now I’m hoping, hoping for 1 more miracle: full recovery for Rafa’s knees!
Hoping, hoping with you! And may the knees never bother our beloved one again! Miracles do happen!
Amen, amen.
Hoping, hoping with you!
Well what do you know, Andy just keeps surprising us..as if winning (an olympic gold in Wimbledon and defeating the world #1 in the process IN STRAIGHT SETS!) wasn’t enough. I didn’t see him shed a single tear. Instead he just smiled, and smiled again, then smiled some more
Can’t say the same for Delpo..at least we can always count on his tear ducts
i kid, i kid..I find his crying somewhat endearing actually, even if he keeps on doing it 
Great day, Delpo and Murray, great wins. I am sure Rafa is very happy with the results, too.
I’m sure he’s very happy for the victories.
Coming out of hiding just to say how happy I am for Andy winning the Gold! in Wimbly! while Rafa’s off resting
! he’s my pseudo-Rafa in the Olympics;). also how great for Delpo (and to win it off Novak made it super nice hehe)! so great of these buddies of Rafa to do their best to cheer him up.
on the other hand, I MISS RAFA!
Wow. What a great day for tennis!
I am very, very happy for Andy (why couldn’t you do this at the BO, mate? #nevermind #churlish), who needed this for himself. I’m happy for GB, who needed SOMEthing native at its Temple of Tennis. And I am happy for Rafa, who is still the only active male player to have a Golden Slam. I am even sorta happy for Delpo (though I still hold a grudge).
And I am deeply pleased that Roger and the PoD didn’t win (sorry, Emma, gotta disagree, for me it’s also about the losers). I doubt my love for tennis would have survived a Golden Smug. Besides, who else but Murray has beaten Roger the Dodger in 3 straight sets on grass? Anyone?
Now maybe we can stop hearing the media’s absurd hymns of praise to Novak and Roger and return to a more realistic appraisal of men’s tennis.
I just wish Rafa and David and Feli could have been successful. But I will take a miracle cure of Rafa’s knees instead. We ARE on a roll, here…